I never planned to become good at starting conversations. It just… happened. After years of awkward silences and missed connections, I discovered simple approaches that actually work. Let me share what I’ve learned about breaking the ice with anyone.
Comment on Shared Experiences
When two people experience the same thing at the same time, it creates an instant connection. Think about how strangers chat during flight delays or unexpected weather. These shared moments break down walls.
Questions that work:
- “This line’s insane, right? Makes you wonder what everyone’s here for.”
- “I’ve been to this place a few times. You come here often?”
- “They really turned the AC up in here.”
- “That last part was wild. What did you think?”
- “It’s crazy how we’re all here for the same thing but no one’s talking.”
Ask for Simple Help
It feels good to help someone, doesn’t it?
It’s one of my favorite ways to get connected with someone.
There’s something powerful about asking someone for assistance. It shows vulnerability and creates an opportunity for them to feel valuable.
Questions that work:
- “Hey, quick question—do you know where I can charge my phone?”
- “Mind holding my spot for a sec?”
- “Do you know if we’re supposed to check in somewhere?”
- “Can you help me figure out this app/menu?”
- “Any idea what’s good here? First time.”
Give Real Compliments
When was the last time you didn’t like a compliment?
Everybody likes a compliment. The trick is to know what to say.
Everyone enjoys recognition for the things they care about. The key is making your compliment specific and genuine rather than generic or exaggerated.
Compliments that work:
- “That color looks great on you. Seriously, not everyone can pull that off.”
- “I noticed your backpack—it’s actually really cool. Where’d you get it?”
- “You’ve got a calm vibe. Has anyone told you that?”
- “I like your laugh. It’s real. Most people hold it in.”
- “You make being here seem less boring.”
Talk About Your Surroundings
Your immediate environment offers endless conversation starters that feel natural and unforced. Whether you’re at a coffee shop, museum, or conference, there’s always something worth commenting on.
Questions that work:
- “This music feels like it’s straight out of a 90s movie.”
- “Do you think they always keep the lights this dim?”
- “This place feels like it’s trying too hard. Or maybe it’s just me?”
- “You ever notice how everyone here’s on their phone?”
- “It smells like college memories in here.”
Ask Open Questions
Questions that require more than yes/no answers invite people to share their thoughts and experiences. They demonstrate genuine curiosity about the other person.
Questions that work:
- “What made you show up today?”
- “What’s something random you’ve been thinking about lately?”
- “What’s your take on people who small talk just to fill silence?”
- “What’s something you’re into that people wouldn’t guess?”
- “What’s been the best part of your week?”
Share About Yourself First
Don’t be a closed book. Take it from me, the more reserved you are the more difficult it becomes to start a conversation.
Offering a small, relevant piece of information about yourself creates space for others to respond in kind. This approach is especially helpful for more reserved people who might not volunteer information first.
Statements that work:
- “I always get nervous in places like this. Weird, right?”
- “I just came from a weird conversation and needed a reset.”
- “I’ve been trying to talk to more people instead of scrolling. So—hi.”
- “I usually overthink what to say. But here I am anyway.”
- “I’m not great at starting convos, but I like meeting people who are.”
Discuss Current Events
Talking about recent, positive happenings provides ready-made content that’s relevant to everyone. Just remember to stay away from divisive topics when meeting someone new.
Questions that work:
- “You hear about that AI thing this week? Kinda terrifying but also cool.”
- “Everyone’s talking about that [insert show/news]. You into that stuff?”
- “I saw a video of someone building a house from trash. Kinda inspiring.”
- “What’s your take on everyone quitting their jobs lately?”
- “Do you think the internet’s getting weirder or more honest?”
The “I Notice” Approach
Starting with “I notice you’re…” followed by an observation about something the person has chosen shows attentiveness without being intrusive.
Phrases that work:
- “I noticed you were really focused back there. What were you thinking about?”
- “You have this way of looking around like you’re studying everything.”
- “You seem really chill in a place that’s not.”
- “You laughed at the same part I did. That’s rare.”
- “You don’t seem like the type to just be standing here. What’s your story?”
Find Common Ground
Discovering shared interests, backgrounds, or experiences creates instant rapport. Look for clues in what people wear, carry, or mention that might indicate common ground.
Questions that work:
- “You seem like someone who hates small talk too.”
- “You remind me of my friend who reads a lot. Are you into books?”
- “You strike me as someone who thinks a lot before speaking. Me too.”
- “Let me guess—you’re here because someone dragged you?”
- “I’m always the quiet one in groups. What about you?”
Use Light Humor
Humor remains my favorite conversation starter because it instantly changes the energy between strangers. A light, self-deprecating comment shows you don’t take yourself too seriously and puts others at ease.
You don’t have to be the funniest person in the room.
Humorous openers that work:
- “I came here to network, but I’m just trying not to trip over furniture.”
- “Do you think they serve existential dread with the drinks?”
- “If I say something weird, blame it on my second coffee.”
- “I promised myself I’d talk to three strangers today. Congrats—you’re number one.”
- “Let’s pretend we’re old friends so this feels less awkward.”
You can improve your humor by watching stand up comedy like I do. I would love to know who’s your favorite comedian is.
Make Your Conversations Better
Here’s some tips to make conversations better:
Body Language Tips
- Smile naturally
- Make brief eye contact
- Keep your posture open
- Put your phone away completely
Read People’s Signals
- Notice if they seem rushed
- Look for signs they want to talk
- Respect when they step back
Keep Conversations Going
- Listen more than you speak
- Ask follow-up questions
- Share related thoughts briefly
When Conversations Don’t Click
Some talks simply don’t take off. The other person might be:
- Having a tough day
- Pressed for time
- Preoccupied with thoughts
- Simply not in a social mood
Avoid These Conversation Killers
Don’t:
- Approach people wearing headphones
- Ask overly personal questions
- Bring up controversial topics
- Continue if someone gives minimal responses
To Sum Up
Starting conversations gets easier with practice. Most people actually enjoy talking—they’re just waiting for someone else to make the first move.
Begin with small, low-pressure exchanges. Be yourself. You might discover fascinating people and perspectives just by saying hello.
What conversation will you start today?
